DMX is Appearing on a Reality TV Show? And it’s not Cops?!

DMX used to be such a badass! There are few hiphop songs in the world more intense than “Bring Your Whole Crew”. The song that he was most known for, since it was in every Disney movie ever made in the early 2000s, is “Party Up”. For whatever reason, nobody listened past the intro, because if they had, they would have heard this:

If I gotsta bring it to you cowards then it’s gonna be quick, aight
All your mens up in the jail before, suck my dick

Only DMX could get away with shit like that! He’s been on trial for everything! Rape in prison, Grand theft auto, guns, drugs, obscene language, menacing, criminal mishief, defamation of character, driving recklessly, speeding, violating probation, the list goes on and on and on. He even got to make fun of Ja Rule openly! When it comes to living the insane life that all of these “artists” talk about, DMX actually walked the walk.

Right now, you’re probably thinking where DMX is. Nobody has heard from him in what seems like years. Is he back in jail? Did he murder someone? Has he quit the game? No. He’s done something even worse.

DMX is currently a minister, and it isn’t rap anymore, it’s gospel. No, I’m not kidding. After:

I got blood on my hands and there’s no remorse
I got blood on my dick cuz I fucked a corpse
I’m a nasty nigga when u pass me nigga look me in my eyes
Tell me to my fuckin face that u ready to die

He is making such top 100(0) hitlists with “Lord Give me a Sign”:

Lord Give me a Sign!
I really need to talk to you Lord
Since the last time we talked the walk has been hard
Now I know you haven’t left me.

God, I hate it when people do this. Not just DMX, but people in general. He’s turning into Tim Tebow, and I HATE Tim Tebow. Do you think God cares, Tebow or DMX? Really? He doesn’t have enough on his plate? Starvation, child soldiers, tyrannical leaders, rape, murder, getting Blue Bloods off the air, and everyone who watches Twilight. With all of that going on, you think he’d waste his time with football or some shitty joke of an album?

Anyways, now that he’s a failure, DMX announced a week ago he’ll go on some waste of money television show, Relationship Rehab, where he’ll try and rebuild his marriage. His current wife (who cares about her name, you don’t know or care who she is anyways) who he has 4 children with, will try to fix their most recent seperation. I’m thinking it has something to do with him having 6 bastard children with various women. Filming starts next month and will premier on VH1.

Don’t lie to me America. We love a good old-fashioned train wreck, and we get a front row seat to this hilarious end to one of rappers badass reigns and you’re going to pretend like you wont watch it? We were obsessed over Charlie Sheen’s meltdown and nobody even cares about him. Hell, I’ll watch a celebrity sex tape even if the girl isn’t hot, and I have no interest in ever seeing her naked! Don’t lie, if Sarah Jessica Parker came out with one tomorrow, you’d watch it. And she looks like a horse!

You’re going to tell me you don’t like watching celebrities circle the drain, then I will happily call you a liar. Or un-American, whichever you don’t prefer.

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