Jay Z Asks Tom Cruise Advice On Protecting Beyonce & Their Fake Baby

The Zapruder Film of Beyonce's Fake Baby Bump

I’m not going to talk anymore about Beyonce being pregnant, because I don’t care. She’s probably lying about it because she’s a bad person though.

This news has to do with Jay-Z, and how he plans on being a good father. He announced he wants bulletproof cars to protect his new child and he’s getting parent advice from Tom Cruise. Neither of these things make any sense to me. Maybe he’ll use the money he’s making off of his “Occupy All Streets” shirts since he’s not actually donating any of those monsterous profits to the “Occupy Wall Street” movement.

Hov said he would spend over $20,000,000 on just a new, secluded safe house. All of this just so the baby that’s a lie and his wife who will probably divorce him down the road will feel more protected from us savages.

Tebow blocked me on Twitter. I want to know if he still believes in miracles.