What Is Going On, Cash Money? Limp Bizkit Signs Deal & Lil Wayne Opens Skate Park With Mountain Dew.

I’m sorry, Internet. As a fan, I’m going to be resigning from Cash Money Records, burning all of the CDs I own of theirs, and deleting all of their music. I can take Lil’ Wayne’s joke of an instrumental experimental phase, I can ignore Stupid Hoe, I can listen to songs like “Bedrock”, but you went too far. Limp Bizkit may be the worst band I have heard in my entire life, and for some reason, they’re signed under Cash Money Records now.

What a joke. What an absolute joke. Roc-a-fella should sign Hoobastank next, they’re still relevant to the youngins these days, right? The only way this could be forgivable would be if this was a complete rouse. It was all a completely unnecessary, terrible, expensive prank just so the world could laugh at Limp Bizkit one more time before they all commit suicide, or get addicted to crack, or do whatever failed band members do. I have a strong feeling these assholes are serious though.

People have been jumping on this bandwagon for years. Ever since Collision Course’s success people want to hear more hiphop/rock mashups. Unfortunately 99% are just terrible because the idea was essentially played out after you listen to Collision Course once.

Besides, I can’t take a band seriously that Eminem tears apart this badly:

I love when angry people do my job for me.

Speaking of what a shit show Cash Money is becoming, Lil’ Wayne wants to open up a skate park? With Mountain Dew? In New Orleans? That story just gets dumber and dumber. I’ll try and follow this nonsensical logic.

Lil’ Wayne skateboards sometimes when he’s not too fucked up on sizzurp. So Mountain Dew (the most Xtreme drink next to Red Bull, and the 4th most Xtreme food group behind Xtreme Doritos, and Xtreme Flaming Hot Cheetos) is teaming up with him to make a skate park. I can sort of follow this, but there are a lot of questions.

1) Why is Mountain Dew building a skate park?
2) Why is Wayne collaborating to make a skatepark, he has nearly 100,000,000 dollars?
3) Wayne’s teeth are terrible. He reportedly had 8 root canals in one sitting because “he likes sweets.” (which I’m going to take the high road and completely ignore how retarded that statement is). So he’s teaming up with one of the main causes of toothlessness in the modern world, soda. By the way one of the worst sodas for your teeth is Mountain Dew.
4) Don’t you think New Orleans needs more than a skate park still? With half the city still in complete shambles and significant Americorps attention still being drawn to the area to rebuild houses, I don’t think too many kids are going to be concerned about skating.

It’s like they’re going out of their way to make me dislike them, and they’re succeeding brilliantly. I want to love Cash Money Records because, generally they have their shit together, but lately I’m losing faith. Stop going on month long drug binges. Because before you know it Limp Bizkit will be on your label when you come out of your heroin coma, and they destroy everything they come into contact with.

Limp Bizkit Heads, follow me on Twitter.

ed note – found some Limp Bizkit memes:

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