Remember when 50 Cent was good? Get Rich or Die Tryin’ and most of The Massacre were both sick albums. But the other two I never went out of my way to purchase, and only took up valuable space on my computer, were terrible, because, trust me, the old 50 Cent never would have made a song with Justin Timberlake, started a waste of time feud with Rick Ross, or challenged Kanye West to a suicide mission to sell more CDs than his very much anticipated Graduation album. Still, despite all of this 50’s fifth album (still unnamed) is coming out next month (he went on Ellen Degeneres Show to announce it, gangster!), and all signs point to just a catastrophically sad musical disaster.
Not only this, he’s a complete sell out. He’s made shoes, clothes, G-Unit (Ugh), ‘wrote’ a book, had a reality television show, starred in a movie about himself, and even invested some ridiculously high amount of money into Vitamin Water. (As a side note, Vitamin Water recently got into some trouble because of the actual vitamin and sugar content of their drinks. There were essentially no vitamins and a ton of sugar and their name, in turn, was extremely misleading. Their rebuttal to this was, essentially, “We never said it was healthy.” Nice and ethical Vitamin Water and 50 Cent).
Anyways, ever since his last album (which nobody should listen to) Before I Self Destruct sold only 436,000 copies (falling so, so short from his debut album which sold 8,000,000 in the U.S. alone) and I have a feeling this one is going to suck too.
On Twitter some time ago, he posted:
I been working hard my album its almost done. I took my time now every body’s gonna hear 2011 GET RICH OR DIE TRYING. The meanest shit
When you’re making a bold statement it needs to be backed up. This is going to be like when Dane Cook said he was taking a hiatus from stand-up to perfect his routine.
Surprise. It’s still not good. Not even close.
Saying this album is going to sell over 16 times what your last one did, because you ‘worked hard’ on it makes you look like a pompous ass. Not only because you can’t back it up, but because it makes it seem like you haven’t tried for the last two (and soon three) albums.
And yes, I’ve heard the leaks. I’m hoping those are the filler tracks, because if those are the singles/main attractions to the album, oh God! “Don’t Cry, Dry your Eye”? Are you fucking serious? How on earth will anyone take you seriously when this is the bullshit you’re putting down in a studio:
I’ll stomp ya fucking head till it’s under the surface
now I need you to get it through ya blood clot head
‘fore I put a bullet through ya blood clot dreads
these niggas ain’t made of the same shit I’m made of
I double click for my man if he needs a favor
Download the song below if you don’t believe me, “Stop Crying” will appear on his The Big 10 mixtape before the album drop. The unsatisfying appetizer before the full course letdown:
If anyone still takes you seriously (and trust me, they don’t) after hearing or reading any of this bullshit they’ll stop immediately.
Wait, let me re-start that paragraph. Everyone stopped taking you seriously after you let that man Olivia into G-Unit, and started a million feuds with people for no reason. You’re a washed up 36-year-old joke, start acting like it. You’ve peaked, it’s over. Stop wasting everyone’s time and retire before you embarrass yourself anymore.
If you don’t know what ‘Snacks and Shit’ is, it’s a website where terrible rap lyrics are posted and relentlessly made fun of. 50’s section in ‘Snacks and Shit’ is by far my personal favorite.
Make sure not to buy 50’s unnamed album coming out sometime this month, or something. Who cares.