On Lana Del Rey And Why She’s A Joke

ED NOTE: We have two new contributors to Too Good For Radio, everyone give a warm welcome to Maria DiCesare and Troy Bernardo. Mr. Bernardo is a New York Times bestseller who’s been described as an anarchist Nicholas Sparks and who’s work was reviewed by acclaimed author Thomas Pynchon as “adequate.” So give a warm welcome to Troy, fresh from electro-shock therapy at the psychiatric ward:

When I first heard of Lana was on “NME’s 2011 Cool List” where she came in at number six (no I didn’t make that ridiculous title up). I remember thinking to myself, “Who and why is this woman ranked so high, yet I’ve never heard any of her music?” There’s a reason why, and that reason is because she’s the problem with modern day music.

Whenever I hear about a ‘musician’ (and I use that term loosely) with a back story like Lana, all I can think of is Jon Lajoie’s “Pop Song”.

Wealthy man hired me, to sing this song that he wrote for me.

Listen to some of her earlier music and you can tell she has completely changed styles. I mean, it’s worse, but at least she did it, wrote it, and seemed somewhat involved in the process. Now it’s all about the check. Don’t believe me? Then why did she have to get a fake lips, hair color, nails, and name to make men to think she’s a great artist? She’s probably waiting for her next album to drop to get the fake titties.

And I keep hearing the same stupid argument. “But she’s big in Europe! She must be good!”

FALSE!

There’s a reason we left that awful place, and the reason is Europeans likes stupid shit. Don’t believe me? The Germans like Hasselhoff’s “music career,” the British still think it’s funny to dress up like women, and the Italians allowed the Jersey Shore monkeys to go into their country to reek havoc on their amazing, historical, beautiful homeland. Nobody forced them to sign those papers.

The only country worth talking about from that continent that will never hear from Lana is Ireland, mainly because her songs don’t involve drinking, fighting, and being awesome. Why would I want to hear the same washed out non-sense I hear everyday on the radio? Why should you?

At least I have begun to understand why hipsters listen to indie music. To some extent they can put their iPod on shuffle and hear a variety of music. This girl only adds to the stereotype that people want to actually listen to more of this crap. Before remixes, you might as well just turn on the radio and listen to any sad pop song and she has the same talent. This bullshit is only going to go on as long as we let it. Stop buying these albums. Call up your local radio stations and demand them to start banning these artists. Let’s start hearing some talented, unique, interesting musicians and show the industry we’re tired of this.

ED NOTE: My thoughts on Lana Del Rey are slightly different. I’ve discussed her here and here and literally (LITCHrally) can’t stop listening to these LDR remixes:

Lana Del Rey – Video Games (Stylust and Keyz Da Vamp Remix)

Lana Del Rey – Blue Jeans (Patrick Reza Remix)