Today’s throwback occurred in Seattle, Washington on April 8th, 1994. For three days, Kurt Cobain, lead singer of grunge band Nirvana, laid dead on the floor with a shotgun draped across his body, a massive head wound, and a suicide note. Prior to his death, Cobain checked out of a drug rehab facility and was reported missing and suicidal by wife Courtney Love. Cobain was 27, joining the infamous 27 club of musicians dying at that age, like Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Amy Winehouse.
Here is a photocopy of the suicide note. This note was read by Love at the funeral.
Kurt Cobain’s Suicide Note Transcript
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.
All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven’t felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity beyond words about these things.
For example when we’re back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn’t affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can’t fool you, any one of you. It simply isn’t fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I’m having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I’ve tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it’s not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they’re gone. I’m too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I’ve had a much better appreciation for all the people I’ve known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can’t get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There’s good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don’t you just enjoy it? I don’t know!
I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can’t stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I’ve become.
I have it good, very good, and I’m grateful, but since the age of seven, I’ve become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I’m too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don’t have the passion anymore, and so remember, it’s better to burn out than to fade away.
Peace, love, empathy.
Frances and Courtney, I’ll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!
Love hired private investigator Tom Grant to look for Cobain shortly after checking out of rehab. Grant was still employed by Love upon Cobain’s death. This turned out to backfire on Love as investigator Grant believes Love is complicit in Cobain’s death. Here’s a few quick reasons why:
The Suicide Note
As you can see in the note above, after Cobain’s sign off, the writing looks different than the rest of the letter. The physically different ending are the only lines implying suicide. Grant believes this is not a suicide note, rather a breakup letter to Courtney and / or the music industry. Handwriting experts could not draw any definite conclusion to these claims.
Heroin Levels in Bloodstream
Toxicological tests show Cobain’s bloodstream was 1.52 miligrams per liter, with additional Valium in his blood stream. This is not your typical Wednesday night. Five medical examiners were questioned about whether someone could muster enough strength to pull the trigger of a heavy shotgun with that much smack in your blood. The answer was again inconclusive. Grant believes Cobain could not have injected himself with such a high dose and be able to stir awake and pull the trigger. He instead believes the heroin was used by the murderer to incapacitate Cobain before the fatal shotgun blast.
As is the case with most high profile police cases, the report is rife with errors and falsities. There’s a lack of fingerprint evidence on both the shotgun, suicide note, and pen, even though Cobain was found without gloves. The blood splatter does not add up either, and numerous photographs of the crime scene are missing.
Love Cries Wolf on Suicide Attempt
About three months before Cobain’s death, Love phoned Seattle police saying Kurt was suicidal and had locked himself in a room with a gun. Police arrived and confiscated several guns and a bottle of pills from Cobain, who swore he was not suicidal and had instead locked himself in the room to hide from Love. Upon questioning by police, Love said Cobain never mentioned he was suicidal and she had not seen him a gun.
Love Possibly Offers 50K to Have Cobain Killed
Filmmaker Nick Bloomfield investigated the murder theory a few years later by interviewing friends, family members, and enemies of Cobain. One of those enemies was El Duce, the Mentors’ bandleader, who claimed Courtney offered him 50,000 to kill Kurt. Courtney apparently said the following:
“El, I need a favour of you. My old man’s been a real asshole lately, I need you to blow his fucking head off… I’ll give you 50,000 to blow his fucking head off.”
El passed a polygraph test with this accusation. He went further saying he knew who killed Kurt, but failed to mention a name. Later in the interview, he mentioned someone named “Alan”, then laughed and said “I mean, my friend.. I’ll let the FBI catch him”. El Duce died a few days after this interview, strangely being run over by a train.
Cobain’s Excludes Love From His Will
Cobain’s attorney Rosemary Carroll claims Cobain was not suicidal. This echoes the belief of Cobain’s bandmates, friends, and family. Cobain told Caroll to draw up a will excluding Love because he was about to file for divorce. Some see this as motive for Courtney hiring a killer to dispose of Cobain.
Cobain’s Medical Examiner was Former Nirvana Promoter
One of the biggest coincidences in the case concerns Dr. Nicholas Hartshorne, Seattle’s medical examiner, and early Nirvana concert promoter. After the autopsy, he said all signs point to suicide. Critics say this was a conflict of interest that the same man to promote Nirvana’s Seattle concerts would preside over Cobain’s death less than a few years later. Hartshorne responds:
“It’s leap of faith, that someone who once promoted concerts for bands would now risk his job, prison, and public disgrace, in order to cover up a murder. I have promoted numerous concerts. Would I aid in covering up a murder? No. As a promoter you don’t have that type of relationship with the bands you promote.”
This whole article is a leap of faith as most of the conspiracy claims listed here are inconclusive conjecture and unproven claims. However I do believe there is more than enough evidence to demand the case be reopened to see what else can be found in the case of rock god Kurt Cobain’s untimely death.
Other (Probably Ignorant) Conspiracies Worth Reading:
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Lauryn Hill Exposes The Illuminati’s Dark Hold On Music, May Go To Prison
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